I have forgotten how to make pie crust. 3 fails, and I’m out of butter. Mass text to in-laws, “In the interest of me not breaking down in tears, the dessert formerly known as ‘chocolate cream pie’ shall now be known as ‘pandemic pudding shortbread casserole’. Please adjust expectations”.
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Haha! I am hopeless at pie crust too. I’ve tried a gazillion recipes, some with the obnoxious words like “pie crusts are really easy, the trick is to keep the butter cold…or not overmix, or yada yada yada.” They all taste like bricks 
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If you have crisco you can make this pie crust. No need to keep the crisco cold. The cutting the crisco into the dough portion is the most critical.
One-Crust Pie (9-inch)
1 cup all-purpose or unbleached flour
1 /2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon shortening
2 to 3 tablespoons cold water
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
- Mix flour and salt in medium bowl. Cut in shortening using a pastry
blender or crisscrossing 2 knives until particles are the size of small
peas. Sprinkle with apple cider vinegar, tossing with a fork. Add cold
water, 1 tablespoon at a time, tossing with a fork until all flour is
moistened and pastry almost leaves side of bowl (1 to 2 more teaspoons of
water can be added if needed at this point).
- Gather pastry into a ball. Shap into flattened round on lightly floured
surface. (For two-crust Pie, divide pastry in half and shape into 2
rounds). If desired, wrap flattened round of pastry in plastic wrap and
refrigerate about 30 minutes to firm up the shortening slightly, which
helps make the baked patry mroe flaky and lets the water absorb evenly
throughout the dough. If refrigerated longer, let pastry soften slightly
before rolling.
- Roll pastry on lightly floured surface, using a floured rolling pin,
Into a circle 2 inches larger than the upside down pie plate.
Fold pastry into fourths and place in pie plate; or roll pastry loosely around rolling pin
and transfer to pie plate. Unfold or unroll pastry and ease into pie plate,
pressing firmly against bottom and side and being careful not to stretch
pastry, which will cause it to shrink when baked.
- Make favorite filling, fill crust and bake.
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Thank you for the recipe, but I think I’m all done with crusts right now. They’ve disappointed me one too many times. I even bought one to bake, and somehow it turned into a pie-shaped cracker! I’ll stick with my new mantra, “adjust expectations”. Who knows, my new dessert could become the best mistake ever! Isn’t trifle just a deconstructed cake?
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Nothing wrong with pudding! It isn’t like it isn’t going to taste good.
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I’ve heard that the secret ingredient is vodka. I’m sure drinking it helps, but adding alcohol to the dough adds moistness without aiding in gluten formation, since gluten doesn’t form in alcohol:
I haven’t tried this myself, since my wife and daughter do all of the baking and are fine with their pie crust recipe and would likely take offense at my interference.
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I’m sort of freaked out by Crisco somehow. I think it has to do with college, where I lived in a Co-Op with 100 girls and we’d get these gigantic, horrifyingly large tubs of Crisco.
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ugh I’ve tried that one and it didn’t work out. I could be the hopeless one though. I think the problem is arm strength, since you have to roll it out when it’s cold and also it’s super hard to roll when it’s cold, so if you wait till it’s softer all the butter runs out or something?
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Yep. Just have to make sure the creme patisserie is extra amazing. I know the whipped cream will be off the hook.
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