Okay. Here goes…
I went to the doctor this morning, had a wonderful visit, and left in a great mood. My endo and I, recently having come dangerously close to being on the outs, meshed this morning, and things were just all good. I was looking forward to the visit because I knew there would be a lab draw, and I’ve been excited about testing my meters against it. I was so very sad this morning when I realized I didn’t have a single test strip left of my favorite meter, my ReliOn Prime, so there would be no way to let it join in on the games. It was with that kind of thinking that I spread out meters and test strips as the tech prepared the draw.
The reason I have really taken to testing out these meters is because of how heavily I rely on them. There have been lots of threads out there over the last week or so, as there should be, about current technology— meter and CGM— and which one is more reliable. I’m a meter girl myself. It’s just what I am, but I really enjoy wearing the sensors and observing them. I also enjoy the background values they provide to get me from one period of heavier fluctuation to the next because, with quieter blood sugars in general, I don’t always need to be testing. Sometimes it’s nice just to cruise. Today’s post was not, in any way, meant to be evidence of how unreliable meters are, and I’m afraid that’s how it came across. I was sharing it only because that’s how unreliable my OneTouch is, but that’s also why I don’t use it unless desperate. I know this about my meter, so I know to proceed carefully with the values I receive from it. The reason I included those sensor values, which then could’ve been interpreted as evidence of sensor reliability in the face of meter unreliability, is only because I was wearing them— and wanted to share it all. The context on those numbers, however, is that I do trust my sensors (for the most part) when my blood sugar is stable. Even my Guardian… hence the joke… can behave itself and really shine with a stable blood sugar. And today, at test time, I was stable. What I was really doing was a little OneTouch shaming today, and maybe I shouldn’t have even been doing that, but, for me, that has been consistent since my earliest days of testing… it’s just taken me this long to know it’s the meter and not anything I’m doing wrong.
Other context… oh! The MOST important explanation of how my joke went wrong… My opening line: “Someone’s going down here, and I can’t wait to see who…” … 
… The “someone” I was referring to was either my OneTouch or my Contour. That’s why I thought it was funny… because one of them was clearly wrong as they were so consistently different… and in the context of all the numbers, it was so clear who was going to be wrong. This is what borderline crazy people do when they get to giggling when posting. They personify their gadgets. They even talk to them, sometimes sweetly, sometimes using a string of profanity… That’s what I was doing. I was sitting in my car, with my phone pic evidence of my OneTouch values and Contour values, writing up a happy post, giggling, wondering who of my meter friends was going down when the true lab value came in. I did not mean any somebodies at FUD, but as soon as I realized how my post fit in with all of the recent… drama??.. I realized how it read.
About the drama… I don’t think anyone needs me to say this, but I’d like to…
A year and a half ago I didn’t know another diabetic. My crashes were mine to experience and feel and fear alone. I had no one to make them feel normal… no one to make me feel like I was going to be okay. A year and a half ago I had only my endo, 30 minutes every 3 or 4 months, to talk to about my management. I would sit there with her, ever so appreciative of her, and would hand over my pump and let her calculate what I needed. I’ve told you guys this a number of times, but the depression was heavy, and I didn’t have too much in my future tank other than what was leftover in there from fear. Then I got the 670G, which led me to reading 670G manuals, which led me to making videos, which led me to having conversations with other diabetics out in the wild, which led me to researching cool stuff, which led me to FUD, the greatest site for diabetics the world over.
As great as FUD is, however, it’s not immune to what makes social media what it is. The same is true in my group. However, I don’t think we’re all vulnerable to it because we’re ultra competitive or ultra jerky or any of that. I think it’s a natural occurrence when all of these diabetics, many of whom have also never really known any other diabetics, come together and share experience. And knowledge. And thoughts and theories and standards, fears, tips, tricks, failures, a1cs, rates, problem foods, and super foods, exercise successes and adhesive problems… and on and on and on…All over this moving target. The very thing that makes this kind of dynamic so unbelievably profound in its potential to help any diabetic who wishes to be well is also the thing that creates tension. We come here with all of our knowledge, or no knowledge at all, and we chat. We mean well. We want to share what works for us, and, as debates are often have a polarizing effect, we’re polarized. Should we ever find ourselves sitting and talking diabetes over a beer, or a steak, or a slice of cake, I bet there would be so much more in the middle that would be at the heart of the discussion. I think this is just a tough form of communication, and I think we’re trying to discuss some very tricky things.
I have NO idea what I’m trying to say with all of this. I’m not even sure what I was hoping to accomplish when I started. I would sit down and start editing, but I’d like not to lose another 46 minutes of my evening. I’d just delete the whole thing, but I just can’t.
I found this place because I was ready for more than what my doctor could offer me. That was what we talked about today at my appointment… a little about my progress, a little about my current device, a lot about my current strategy, and even more about how I had come to adopt it. My endo and I just chatted today, much like how we chat in here. Truly any doctor-lead agenda was out, and we had ourselves a friendly but productive exchange.
Still not sure what I’m accomplishing. I know I do want to make sure nobody misunderstood my post today to be in opposition of Eric’s post the other day because it absolutely is not. I agreed with him the other day, and I agree with him on about 98.97% of what he says and what he does. I agree with him because these are things I find in my experience as well… or I find to work for me. I understand as much as anyone that it doesn’t mean it’ll work for anyone else. It doesn’t even guarantee it’ll work tomorrow. When I told her about the kinds of things my mentor has taught me, her first concern was that I didn’t buy into something just because it worked for him. It made me smile because he warned me of that off the bat… and regularly reminds me to figure it out for myself. I’m not, I told her, and she was satisfied.
Then, delighted, I walked out the door thinking about my OneTouch numbers and how I should share them, and…
Love you guys. Putting myself in a little timeout for a bit to get myself together again. 
I thought the comparison of the meters was perfectly fine, and the personification of the meter was clear to me. Not that I don’t totally love reading more on your thoughts on this, just that this post came across as you feeling a need to explain and apologize for your other thread, which I think was perfectly innocent
