I think Liam is hardier than you think. I don’t think you’ve failed the adult Liam at all. In any way. I think, not that you’ve asked, that you’re giving Liam a solid foundation to start with as he goes out and explores whatever the adult Liam wants to explore. I don’t think it’s coming without a cost though— not if shame and sadness is what you’re feeling over some stray numbers. Those are big emotions, and unless you have an endless store of feelings and energy, I think they’re going to drain you. I am not a parent of a type 1 diabetic. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t look at my mother’s face at something I’m doing and feel grateful for that. I’m not in your shoes, and I won’t pretend to get it. I’m a mother though. And no one knows guilt, worry, shame, or sadness better than I do, and all I’m saying is I think you have to save the biggest, most draining emotions for the most deserving events. Or at least an accumulation of the more mild ones. That’s all.
You’re a good dad. Liam is lucky. I hope you’re not drowning in shame. Very lucky. I hope you know that.
I understand your point. And I definitely won’t try to help in a non-helpful way since you have a T1D child and I do not.
But I just want to alleviate your weight bc all of us see what you are up against and how amazing you and Erin are doing at caring for that little sweetheart.
None of us love the realities of this condition (or, dare I say, disease). But you are not responsible for it or what it does. You and Erin and Liam are superheroes.
I don’t feel emotion much so I have a lot of reserves. The only emotions I feel are for my kids. I have a lot of spare reserves of emotions. lol. This incident and others like it don’t drain me at all. They would only drain me if I dwelled on them. I don’t. I feel immediate emotions of guilt, shame and sadness and resolve to not let it happen again, then I move on. I stopped dwelling on Diabetes a long time ago just for this reason.
The best we can do is recognize a problem and try to fix it.
When I think of hyperglycemia, I think of it like this…would I, as a caregiver, aid in the drinking of poison for any of my non-diabetic children? Would I encourage it, sit by idly as they sip it, or would I knock the vial away and do everything I could to make sure they never drink poison? I know it’s not the same thing…but with hyperglycemia, that’s basically what’s happening…ketones are poisoning his system. The more, and longer it happens, the more I’m basically aiding and abetting my son poisoning himself to death. So yeah, as a caregiver of a T1, it definitely is something I worry about.
I want a perfect world. No lows, no highs, easy street…but I know reality also…there are going to be lots of each. But I still don’t like it and never will, just like I wouldn’t like any of my non-d kids sipping from a vial of poison.
Okay. Then I think this is a matter of you just handling your shame better than I handle mine. My shame prevented me from doing just that… so then I may have been projecting, my second favorite pastime.
If recognizing a problem and trying to fix it is the timely result of most any emotion, then that emotion hasn’t been a harmful one. Not everyone can handle their shame, guilt, disappointment, frustration, and the list goes on and on, in such a healthy manner. So I hear. I’ve heard of these people. That’s what I mean. I don’t know any personally.
I’m not sure how I’d handle your job. I hope never to have to do it. And I think you do amazing work.
off subject, but i love what you wrote here. i have terrible ruminations and whenever i get anxiety, i want to control this RIGHT AWAY. of course this is not always possible so i start to project every possible scenario good and bad, but mostly bad. i get myself so twisted, i can hardly enjoy what it will be for me to enjoy. make any sense?
13 years is nothing to sneeze over. thats awesome. my husband and i went right from knowing each other to living together. we skipped the dating period. it boggles my mind. must have been some astral cyber space knowing that it would just work out for us. and still today, he remains my very best friend.
My wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary last month. Diabetes has been our biggest marital struggle in all those years. Before diabetes we were pretty much conflict free.
i dont know if my husband knew what he was getting into, but when we met i was already D. we have gone from using MDI of R, NPH, Lente, etc…but, once i went on the pump i became neurotic about self-care, and thats when the “conflics” started.
Of course it makes sense, @daisymae. Great minds think alike. I can make myself sick doing that, and I’m never any better off for it. I try to fight it when I can, knowing that all the anxiety and mental anguish in the world won’t change the outcome, and then I stress anyway.
I’ve also learned just not to engage in the thinking when I’m low… since my lows are packed with the potential for anxiety anyway.
My husband and I did the same! That’s crazy. Short of having had an arranged marriage, I’ve never met anyone else with that story. I met him when I was 18… before a single diagnosis, a single stitch, when I had never had anything more than a cold.
We go through this every day, multiple times per day sometimes. It says 50, 40 or low but he’s actually 100, 80, 70 or 60…but most of the time never really “low” (<40 according to the G5.) There are times it’s dead on, but 75% of the time any low we have to always do a finger stick before treating otherwise we’ll be fighting a hyper a while longer as we treated when he was already 100 or more.
If the CGM is accurate for you, people live and die by it and use the number as gospel…if it’s not accurate, then IF you don’t do a finger stick, you could die BECAUSE OF IT. lol
The only emotions I feel are for my kids. I have a lot of spare reserves of emotions. lol. This incident and others like it don’t drain me at all. They would only drain me if I dwelled on them. I don’t. I feel immediate emotions of guilt, shame and sadness and resolve to not let it happen again, then I move on. I stopped dwelling on Diabetes a long time ago just for this reason.
so i start to project every possible scenario good and bad, but mostly bad. i get myself so twisted, i can hardly enjoy what it will be for me to enjoy. make any sense?
I can make myself sick doing that, and I’m never any better off for it. I try to fight it when I can, knowing that all the anxiety and mental anguish in the world won’t change the outcome, and then I stress anyway.
