i was at the endo today, i hadnt gone for two years, because they do nothing/they cant help me. so this was the new endo on the socialised medicine in spain. she was very nice and offered to change me to tresiba, which i didnt want. my a1c was 7,1, which is down a bit from 7.5.
We got to talking about the pump and she put me down to do a dafnne course (required to get pump) so that i am now o nthe road for pump.
I should have left feeling good, but i feel so sad. sad that i need a pump, sad that this wont ever go away, that i have to give this person i just met my stupid little freestyle so that she can see all of my sins for herself. i just hate it. Does anyone else feel like this when they go to the end?
There is no shame in a disease you didn’t bring onto yourself. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way and I wish there were something that I could to remove these sad feeling you’re having. I know there are times when Liam’s BG’s are especially bad and I feel much the same way. Fortunately, these are fleeting moments that I’ve learned to let roll off of me.
Please try to focus on the GOOD things in your life and don’t even think about this disease. You’ve got a good A1C and the pump may give you an even better A1C…and if it doesn’t, you just go back to what it is you were doing before the pump. I just try to focus on the “diabetes care” as I do with my tooth brushing and shower taking…it’s just something I’ve got to do for Liam. And I want him growing up with the same mentality…it’s just a routing he’s got to get used too for this disease in order to remain healthy, but he doesn’t need to let it control him or take possession of him.
Go out and do something fun today! That will get your mind off your sad and depressed feelings you’re having today.
7 years. i went through a long burnout period, like years, and things were getting better, and then i ahd a scary hypo where friends basically saved my life and were about to call the ambulance. i say scary, it was scary for my friends. i remember none of it. i know i was disappointed that they fed me a whole banana and i dont remember.
Yes, I’m sorry to say, I typically feel this way after visiting the endo. Normally I concentrate on trying to make the best of this disease despite the trials and tribulations. These ups and downs don’t usally bother me because I’ve grown to expect them, and don’t beat myself up for not being perfect! But try as I may, I never feel good after an endo appt. Fortunately, it is just a short 10 minutes but still, like you, the resulting gloom effects my entire day:(
It is best to concentrate on the positive though, and actions that you can take to make your life better. Getting a pump and cgm can definitely do that. I’m using both for nearly 3 years now. It is a proactive step, allowing you to take more control over the disease. You’ll still have ups and downs, but you can react faster. Having the ability to take back some control over your body will improve your outlook, and you’ll be less stressed, knowing you can make a difference.
Good luck, and yes, as @ClaudnDaye suggested, go out and do something fun for yourself. Fun also improves one’s outlook and reduces stress!
I think eventually all those bad feelings go away. I went through times of feeling depressed about it when I was much younger. But after so many years now, it’s just a normal part of life. I don’t get sad about it anymore.
I think eventually you get there.
Ask some of the other long-timers, like @docslotnick or @MM2 or @cardamom or many others here. I just think there comes a time when it is not really a big deal mentally.
For me (diabetic for 27 years), it comes and goes, honestly. I have times, and I’ve had years, when it’s been hard, and then it’s gotten easier or at least faded into the background relatively. For many years, I shirked a lot of aspects of control in efforts to get it into the background, which worked in some ways and also made me feel worse physically and eventually led to some complications (eye stuff) I still deal with now. Since the eye stuff started, I’ve been much more engaged, but even within that, I go through waves of feeling like it’s no big deal and times when i feel more frustrated or burned out. While you’re totally right in that diabetes is forever (and that sucks), I do take comfort in my knowledge that my state of mind about it isn’t, and that that inevitably shifts, and over time I’ve learned ways to help it do that.
Also, if your feeling re: a pump is sadness that you “need” it, maybe that’s not the right step for you? For me, changes in my diabetes routine have been most helpful when it’s a new tool that feels exciting and useful and reenergizes my efforts somewhat. I would strongly recommend switching to Tresiba if you’re currently on Lantus or similar (I can’t personally speak to Levemir—that also works well, but it seems to depend on whether you want the ability to change basal insulin doses day to day or not). I also can’t recommend enough getting a CGM—completely revolutionized my feelings about my diabetes care. I felt so much more control over things. I think I might be still feeling a lot more stuck without it. Also, I’m at about a 6.5—sure, I’d like to be at <6 level like some of the folks on here, but I’m not sure that’s realistic for me, and I’m ok with that. You just went from 7.5 to 7.1, which to me suggests whatever you’re doing is great and may not need much in the way of tweaks at all, if you don’t want to change.
Also, if I feel particularly frustrated with my efforts at control, sometimes that’s a time when I try to make things simpler, which may involve more restrictions in some senses, but makes the actual acts of controlling my blood sugars and getting results that make feel effective easier. Like I’ll do super low carb for a couple of weeks to get back on track, even if it’s not something I find sustainable in the longterm. Having a couple of weeks where I feel highly masterful in my diabetes care is energizing in terms of not feeling burned out.
Also, when I was in phases where I felt really stuck, I used to always feel this way after visiting the endo or doctor (when in grad school I saw a PCP and didn’t even have an endo). I used to cry at my appointments actually, in part I think because it was the only time I let myself really feel my frustrations with my diabetes and my sense of inability to change it. So maybe that’s part of what’s going on—it’s one of the rare moments you’re really focusing on the feelings you’re carrying around, so of course you feel blah/sad. Maybe that means it could be helpful to acknowledge those feelings more regularly? Not necessarily to dwell on them, but to validate that this is really hard and frustrating and overwhelming at times. If you can access a mental health professional, maybe talk to one about it? (I think so many more diabetics would benefit from mental health support around their diabetes than get offered it, which is such a shame.)
@pancreaswanted For the past twenty or so years, after being diabetic for about the previous thirty, diabetes has pretty much been relegated to a background function, like breathing. It only becomes a big deal if I stop breathing or stop caring for my diabetes.
This is after a 41 year dental career ( recently retired), so diabetes kept me from doing NOTHING! Some people need to take a thyroid pill for the rest of their lives, we just have to tend to our diabetes every day for the rest of our lives. Everybody has a cross to bear.
i usually dont feel like this.as i say, its just going to the endo. i think the “always” part of it i have come to terms with. diabetes is always with me, i always check my bg, i always do x, y and z. its the “forever” part that is so blaring and there when i go to the endo and that just puts me in this mood of ughh. I went to work-i am part of the training dept at a consulting company, and i was fine aftr getting back to the regular day to day, talking to coworkers.
the endo visit is the second in four months, after a two year hiatus, its just the visits that make me feel so awful.
@pancreaswanted, I think all of us have our triggers. For me the endo usually makes me feel good because no matter how “badly” we’re doing relative to our own ideals, we’re usually doing okay relative to the rest of the pediatric population. Plus all those years of being programmed to study for the test and aim for grades – getting an A1C in some bizarre way triggers that mental pathway for me, so usually it’s a good thing.
But for me a strong trigger is seeing photos of Samson from before diagnosis. It just makes me really sad thinking of that carefree innocence.
I think for me, I allow myself a certain amount of time to feel sad – just acknowledge it, let the waves come over me, and then tell myself “well my 15 minutes of feeling sad are over” and try to move on. But, it’s true, it IS sad. And it’s okay to feel like that.
yes,cardmom, i am so glad i dont always feel like i did this morning, so hopeless and sad. In fact, diabetes has pushed me to do things i would not have done had i not had it-triathlon and mountain races, just to make sure i can. if it were not for diabetes, i think i would have just thought, well, of course i can do that…
I know what you mean about the pump. i have time to think about it.
i have my freestyle libre and yes, it is a gamechanger. i am so glad i have it and feel safer.
and, yes, i do the same thing with restrictions, just to take the thinking out of d. i was liquid fasting twice a week and it just made everything better four days a week, keeping an eye on lows, but not having to count carbs made life a bit easier. and made me feel like a diabadass.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. It helps. always.
I used to feel that way when I relied on my endo for help with my diabetes (and thought they knew best).
But since getting CGMS and lots of help from online and books, leading to finally being able to stay within goals I set, I don’t expect any help from endo. My endo supports things I suggest, such as Afrezza, but I would switch to new endo if he wasn’t willing to take my input.
I used to want to get atta-boys when I had endo visits. But learned that was nice, but not required.
My doctors office does a great job with RX, appointments on time, and billing my insurance, and that’s better than others!
What do you expect from your endo visits that would have been better ?
i expect nothing from endos. i do my diabetes care. i live with the disease. i take care of it. i have read john walsh, chuck eitken and “think like a pancreas” and the woman who wrote about allabout all the sports, sherry something. i have learned lot from all of them and forums full of other diabetics. I do not think they know best at all, they dont live with diabetes.
i am commenting on the way having to go to a specialist makes me feel, how it drives home the forever-ness of the disease, that even when given this good news about the possibility of getting a pump, the lowered a1c, my general feelings are sadness and hopelessness after visiting. recognizing that the pump possibility does not thrill me, it just makes me so sad. it has nothing to do with my expectations of the doctor and what they should be doing. this doctor seemed knowledgeable and competent. there was nothing wrong with her. its me and my reaction that puzzles me.
I have taken this attitude, for the most part. My most recent endo visit was about 10-12 years ago, the initial consult in a town 3 hours away. A few things stick out in my mind: he lectured me for having a A1C around 5. He then asked me how often I’d like to see him, to which I replied, “maybe annually? I seem to be managing pretty well…”. He said, “that’s worthless!” I didn’t appreciate that. There was no followup visit scheduled. My GP does a fine job of helping me along the path.
I understand the “forever-ness”, too. I’m reminded everytime I have a mild hypo when I’m lifting weights or trying to work in the yard, etc. Hang in there! We’re pulling for you! and I’m praying for you, too.
So after having kids, my right hip was messed up. It’s still messed up but less messed up today. I finally could make time to go to PT routinely for three months last year. I ended up getting referred (for one of my sessions out of a bunch) to a PT specialty assessment guy who did all kinds of crazy stuff to assess me and finally said, “You don’t have to tell me whatever it was, but have you been through a trauma? Your body is presenting as trauma. I see this in car accident victims who never saw the impact coming, and rape victims. Your physical presentation makes no sense from a PT standpoint, meaning it’s not all coming from this hip. Have you been through trauma?”
So…not to project my mental and emotional results from living T1D everyday in the face of the rest of my actual life…but I can attest to the daily background stressors it causes and how it’s physically manifested itself in my gait, my joints, my motions, my breathing. It’s there in a big way. I’m thrilled for others who carry it lightly in the background. I’m unfortunately not on that team currently.
Thanks for clarifying, that’s tougher to deal with. Kind of sounds like the visits trigger the subtle “Why me?” thinking that most of us go through at one time or another. For example, you wouldn’t of even had to go to the appointment if you didn’t have diabetes.
Edit: I think when I read the original post, my brain read “stressful endo visit”, since that’s a more common theme !