So I don’t really want to admit to one of the stupidest things I’ve done as a diabetic…but for the shared experience I’ll raise my dummy flag as inspiration to others here…
In 2013, I’d had my second kiddo in June while on MDI. Postpartum, everything was topsy turvy blood sugar wise for a variety of reasons (some still unclear). My endo at the time, whom I liked very much although I questioned his real expertise on diabetes, suggested splitting my Lantus dose into two injections 12 hours apart to try to deal with my crazy 2AM lows…or moving my nightly Lantus injection to the morning. So I moved it to the morning. And that helped exactly not at all…and seemed to make some aspects worse. So I talked to him again and he said to just move it back to my nighttime injection time. I asked how to do that and he said to just move it a few hours at a time over the course of a week. Well, I didn’t want to do it that way and cue the pandemonium.
I don’t have my blood sugar binders from that time anymore, so I can’t quote the timing and bg’s exactly, but it still sticks in my head pretty firmly. I believe I tried to limp my body without Lantus for about a 12 hour period, making up the difference with Humalog shots in between. That would work in theory if I had been more on top of it up front. I was doing watchful waiting to take Humalog doses, which was very very wrong. I never got out of the low 400’s…ever…but I got the full-on Bath and Body Works lotion breath and realized, holy cow, this is bad news. So I called my endo, explained what I’d done, he was somewhat outraged and said I might be able to get it under control with tons of water and lots of Humalog…but I might have to go to ER to get IV fluids. I kept at it the rest of the afternoon (was probably 8 hours into the “experiment” at this point), but it was not recoverable. I was too dehydrated. My heart rate was showing the effects as well as the ketone sticks. I went to the ER, got rehydrated, got onto my normal Lantus timing, and it all recovered. But it was SO stupid.
Interesting take-aways for me…I’m very bad at problem-solving why my car smells like crazy strong fruity lotion when I never wear lotion. That’s your body freaking out, dummy! Also…being in bad shape from a hydration/heart rate/ketone standpoint didn’t translate (yet) into numbers any higher than low 400’s. Granted, low 400’s are terrible and I’ve never seen anything higher than 450 in my 12 years as T1D (I’m sure I’m lucky in that), but I would have thought my numbers would have been higher for how badly my body was doing.
I do have a back-up plan written out for pump failure. I was inspired to get a back-up plan when my Omnipod PDM flew out of its case and landed in the dog water bowl while my husband was out of town last year. I had to wait three days for a replacement. I was SO LUCKY that I had a local friend who had a spare PDM that I borrowed.
If I have a PDM failure now (I have a back-up PDM but let’s say I have to go on shots for some reason), I’ll take my appropriate Lantus dose immediately. Then when I get a new PDM, I’ll get a pod started and wait for the Lantus to run out before starting basal.
If I have no Lantus for some reason, I will take a unit of Humalog every other hour until I can get a new PDM or Lantus. This is based on my average basal dose.
I haven’t tried this transition out yet…and I want to…but I am a bit chicken.
Sorry, but this does make me feel better. I seriously spent the first three weeks after diagnosis convincing myself, and acting upon, the idea I would be able to beat this disease with exercise and diet… and just… sheer… determination… (with gritted teeth). Didn’t take me long to reconsider my position.
Not sure what was happening in your case, but after 2 of my babies, I was temporarily a non-diabetic. No insulin. Nuttin. I think I went a solid 2 days with them both without having to dose for anything. I ate cake. A lot of it, actually. My blood sugar didn’t budge. It was REALLY nice. And it came at the end of two very difficult pregnancies with even more difficult deliveries and infections! That was the universe saying, “here, let me get that for you.”
Breastfeeding… that’s another universe thing. As if I needed any more motivation to do it than these beautiful, sweet babies, it also dropped my blood sugar significantly. I wish doing bills would do that for me. Or wiping butts.
Especially for some with LADA, it’s hard to get past that mindset, especially with so many doctors acting like you really just have type 2. I still have to get bold enough to ask my doc if she really believes she can cure me, because some of the things she says and treatments she chooses (like wanting me on Actos rather than just prescribing a basal insulin) make me wonder…
Yeah?? There’s almost nothing you’ve said that I’ve doubted in the LEAST, but this… I’m not so sure. I really don’t want to sound negative, but I feel like this thing gets me everyday. Either I spend an endless amount of time controlling it (and hoping whatever damage I’ve done, because there is some, can be stopped in its tracks), OR choosing NOT to put in this kind of time and seeing my numbers take to the skies as fast as I can mutter “not today.”
This sounds so pity- pottish. I used to think I could “beat it” without insulin. I skimped on that for a really long time. It wasn’t all being stubborn though… it was more a result of depression. I’m not depressed anymore… and I know I can give this thing a run for its money but not without investing a lot… or, if I’m not willing, losing even more.
Just looked at my post, and it looks like I was pushing up my sleeves, ready to swing. I didn’t mean it to sound confrontational. I wasn’t being that at all. Your question and assertion struck a chord. A quick tinge of sadness. I’d like it to feel that way, Eric… and I’m in a good place, but I’m not there.
And that face was for effect. I’m not really crying.
Na, it’s real. For me I’ve found the third way with LOOP, good results without all the effort. I’m hopeful that a similar experience will come via the commercial systems in a year or two for everyone who can afford a pump and CGM. And it really irks me that the word “afford” even comes into the discussion, but that’s the reality of healthcare in the US.
I’m right there with you. And it still gets me down at times, like today, when I forgot my Libre reader and my meter when running out to take my daughter to the hospital (she’s fine now), I spent half the time there wondering what the heck my BG was doing, feeling pretty powerless and out of control and frustrated that I couldn’t just focus on her.
You know, one thing you might want to look at, is what the physical signs are that you exhibit when you are high. When my son is over 300, he gets flushed patches above his eyes and top of his cheeks. Now there are reasons he could also be flushed and not over 300, but if he isn’t exercising and he gets this way, we are more than 95% right. You might have some visible symptom that you can view in a mirror to check if you high without the equipment.
I’ve gone through many iterations of my mindset on this disease. I started out with, “This sucks but if anyone can manage it then I can and I will manage the cr@p out of it.” Then I went through, “I’m having healthy pregnancies and will be Superwoman despite the risks.” Then I went through, “I have little kids and I’m going to cut myself slack bc I cannot possibly manage my T1D as closely as I was AND keep my children alive at the same time AND enjoy the little moments.”
Truth be told, I was probably dealing with some depression these last few years…I think I wanted to believe I could have a pump and have kids and have T1D and it would all work beautifully and fade into the background.
But it doesn’t. I wouldn’t live the way I do if I wasn’t T1D. There is no escaping the fact this disease is responsible for most of the schedule and choices in my household. This recent vacation with in-laws just highlights that fact so much more.
So where I’m at right now is, “T1D is biological chaos. It’s tough. I can do my best with it while balancing my actual life…and neither one will go exactly the way I’d probably choose but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt.”
It is most helpful, for me, to be realistic with myself. If I get sucked into inspirational sayings that work for other T1D’s that I know here locally, it just makes me sad. Sure, I COULD climb Mount Everest as a T1D, but I never wanted to, and if I set out on that goal I’d have to table a whole lotta other things in my life to make it happen. I’m not a Mount Everest kinda person. I’m a “hang out with my kids and live a long boring life punctuated with hilarity” kind of person.
I don’t know what to say here… I love you? Is that too forward?
What are you doing for the rest of your life? Because I’m free?
No?
You’ve told my story. You’ve described my struggles. Expressed my unrealistic expectations. Experienced my misconceptions. And in the end, you’re made happy by the thing that makes me happy. It is for my children, as a matter of fact, that I go at this with as much (waning at times) enthusiasm as I do. I want to be strong and healthy and to be around for a long time. I don’t want them to see me as sick. I don’t want to be their burden.
On a lighter note, my 5 year old just asked me if it was okay if he called me “mommy”. Sure. I guess I’m comfortable with that. (???) Kids…they make it harder, all of it, but they make it easier, too.
And I’m not hating on the Mt. Everesters, Eric (in case you’re listening). I couldn’t have any more respect for you than I do… This is a good life. Even if I don’t like heights.
Climbing Mt. Everest is an extremely dangerous event, regardless of whether you are a diabetic. Over 375 people have died trying. Diabetes wasn’t a factor for them.
If you don’t want to climb Mt. Everest as a T1, chances are you wouldn’t want to climb it as a non-D. So diabetes isn’t really a factor for you on climbing the mountain.
We all a have different goals and aspirations. As you state, if you want to “hang out with my kids and live a long boring life", then you can do that. D won’t get in the way. Just like the people who have an unquenchable desire to climb Mt. Everest. D couldn’t possibly stand in their way.
I stand by my statement. Whatever you want to do. If you have enough drive to do it as a non-D, then D would probably not be enough of a factor to stop you. A little bit harder, sure. A little extra effort required. But not enough to stop you from anything you want to do.
These aren’t just rah-rah words from me. This is the truth. If you have enough drive to do something, then that drive will carry you above whatever extra challenges D throws in your way.
Nicky,
If your goal is to be the best mother you possibly can, that is just as admirable and noble as climbing a dumb mountain. I applaud you for that. I would like to help you with that. D does not need to get in the way.
We all have a different mountain. I don’t care what it is, D is trivial compared to what we want to do. No matter what your mountain is, D does not need to be a factor.
Mark this day. I will come back to you in a few months with something. You have thrown down a gauntlet and I will be back with something in a few months. D means nothing to me.
Wait wait wait… WAIT. This wasn’t a challenge… I didn’t throw nuthin! If you were about to go embark on something because you really felt that drive, then by all means, but don’t do it on my account.
This all started with my saying that I don’t FEEL unaffected by this disease. I don’t. That’s the truth. But it’s also why I like being around here. Eric, I don’t know, well, more than 3 things about you, and I admire you through and through. I was just writing a thing about this group elsewhere, and I described you all as responsible, fearless, and the kind of people I need in my head. This is all true. Just because I don’t feel that way today doesn’t mean I won’t ever. If it’s going to happen, it’ll be here, with people like you.
Alison DID tell my story. All of it about wanting to be able to control things, delusions of easy, healthy pregnancies, about having this disease and raising small children. All of these things are true, all of these things are part of my history, part of who I am, and part of how I find myself here now. I was alone inside my head with my disease for a lot of years. Some of those burdensome, dark thoughts are going to need to be chiseled away with a hammer.
Dang. You got me all spewing emotion and thumb-typing all fast. No composure. That’s okay sometimes, too.
I ran today, Eric. Thought about you. Not in a weird way. I had to test 12 times before and after… I’m NOT you, but I’m here to learn. Willing to learn.
I’d like my next post to be light, a touch of insight. A touch of humor… Gonna have to pull myself together though.
Diabetes is only a problem if you allow it to be. Do what you have to do (diabetes related) to stay healthy, then climb that f’ing Mt. Everest if that’s what you want to do.
Also…being in bad shape from a hydration/heart rate/ketone standpoint didn’t translate (yet) into numbers any higher than low 400’s. Granted, low 400’s are terrible and I’ve never seen anything higher than 450 in my 12 years as T1D (I’m sure I’m lucky in that), but I would have thought my numbers would have been higher for how badly my body was doing.
I seriously spent the first three weeks after diagnosis convincing myself, and acting upon, the idea I would be able to beat this disease with exercise and diet… and just… sheer… determination… (with gritted teeth). Didn’t take me long to reconsider my position.
