I was diagnosed with Type 1.5 LADA at the end of this past May and have been doing my best to finance new tools, utilize as many as possible, and take in all of the knowledge I can going forward. Being that this new diagnosis is a huge stretch from the initial diagnosis of type 2, I have been working my hardest to prepare myself for potential pitfalls ahead. In the beginning, my fiancé understood that even in some small ways he was going to be a part of that journey. He refuses to join any support groups to try and understand that I am doing the best I can, and has just been repeatedly picking on me for how I am acting. His complaints are that all I do is talk about my blood sugar, my doctor’s visits, and that I’m spending all of this money just to be “obsessed”.
What’s even worse, is that months ago I took a deep dive on the internet… And upon reading multiple articles about LADA, told him I was almost entirely sure that I had that form. He denied me outright. We had the same old argument we’ve been having on and off for the last 2 months about my obsession with my diabetes and he said “it’s almost as if you wanted to have this. So now you have it and you just won’t stop talking about it”.
I want him to know how to use glucagon if I’m too low to correct, I want him to know how I’m bolusing so he can tell how I am when I’m high or when I’m low. He seemingly wanted to be a part of this with me in the beginning. We conversed a lot and he explained that he would support me in any way I needed. I feel like he didn’t realize how much goes into being type 1.
I just wanted to share all of this so I don’t lay in bed at night with all of it in my head, feeling like a burden. It’s already hard enough trying to find our where I fit in this new world, and what I look like in it. It’s even worse when the person you love the most is making you seem selfish for wanting what’s best for yourself health wise.
@Necroplasm Thank you for your bravery in sharing. I think that everyone wants to feel that their SO, life partner, spouse, what-not, is all in when it comes to health concerns, esp something as fluid as the D. And the fact is, they aren’t all. He may really want to be, but is completely overwhelmed. Their really should be a support group for SOs of diabetics, because I’m sure it’s just as scary for them.
I’m assuming that your fiancé is a wonderful person, and is just being a bit of a spoiled brat at the moment. Its perfectly healthy to be obsessed with your new reality. That “obsession” will keep you alive, and healthy, until its just a way of life, not something new around every corner.
Although super-supportive, my hubby was in denial for over 2 years, and still doesn’t really understand alot. I’m not sure if he really wants to know more than the basics. But, most importantly, he knows the signs of lows and highs, and can help me correct both. And keeps me from baking, unless its something he really loves!
Its good that you’re getting it out of your head so that you can sleep! Hopefully others will have more constructive advice!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this struggle on top of a recent diagnosis. It is all consuming in many ways early on (that dissipates as you get into a groove)…but that’s part of your journey through this. Sending you a heart felt, virtual “you’ve got this”!
Not sure why he’s feeling displaced by your quest to learn, grow and take control of your health. My first reaction was “if he loves you, he should support you no matter what”. Hang in there, you’re on the right track.
I totally understand, being an empathetic person, that this is most definitely how he is feeling on the inside… I also understand wholeheartedly that it’s just coming out in all the wrong sentences and words. Unfortunately I am exhausted over all of this already, and so I feel myself trying to shove some of my sh*t off the plate to make room for his. I just can’t, I have no room for it. I am depressed as it is and trying my best every day to be hopeful, and hearing these things in the vulnerable state I am in from the person I love (even if I ma consciously aware are not accurate) take a little bit of that small hope away. I think we can all say as humans, we never want to feel like a burden to those we love. It’s just tough when they treat you like you are, even if that’s just how they’re feeling about everything else. Sigh, it’s just hard. But it’s nice to know it will get a little better with time!
I just don’t have the energy to fight all of these battles right now. I feel like I’m barely coming up for air.
You are correct, its not right for you to have to shoulder his s*** on top of everything else.
I was trying to be understanding of his angle, in an effort to not be negative about someone that you love. (Not my first instinct)
While you’re waiting for him to start manning up…If you have any VHS tapes, they’re very satisfying to break with a hammer. And worthless. Just don’t cut yourself!
In time, perhaps he will understand that it is not just for you, but also for him that you are learning how to protect your good health. It really is for the best.
I understand the initial obsession, I went through that for maybe better part of a year after diagnosis at age 28. Your situation is tougher with the incorrect initial diagnosis, and all the questioning and research between there and where you’re at now. Others are right, it’ll get better as you master it.
The SO in your life is a big part of the picture with D.
My wife is my best advocate and partner through it all. (I do get a little annoyed however, that she picks up on lows early, and sometimes even when I’m not low ).
Absolutely. I feel a lot of our arguments in the last year alone were high-sugar rages on my end and confusing, frustrating lows in the morning where my brain wasn’t fully functional. I get I’m no peach most of the time too. It’s just tough to have your disease thrown at you, as if you have any control over how it physically changes your personality when sugars aren’t in range. That’s one of the biggest things he doesn’t get, and though I really am not - it has been thrown in my face that I use my diabetes as an excuse to “be an a**hole”
I know in time these issues will get easier to navigate, and some will dissipate. It just sucks having to deal with his judgment and refusal to understand my situation on top of all of this other sh*t lol.
Man your wife sounds like an excellent soldier to fight alongside against the terrible 'beetus! I would relish in the day that he knew my body better than mine, even if a little. I know that there’s a future that looks a lot better than this one… it’s just that right now everything is just upside down and I’m trying my best not to get nauseous.
It would be much easier if we turned blue when low and red when high. Then they’d have no excuse, because it would be the same as if they yelled at the guy in the wheelchair for being in the way.
I’ve started this response many different ways, trying to respect everyone involved, but, honestly…this frustrates me to no end. I will not say everything I have said in many different ways and deleted, I will only state the following:
"I, _____, take thee , _____, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health , to love and to cherish , till death do us part,
I know you haven’t reached that stage yet, but it’s coming if he’s your fiance and the question I would ask myself is …IS HE going to live up to the vows we make to each other. Those aren’t just words.
I hope Liam grows up and has the support of his partner…that’s THE most important person to each of us when we enter into those relationships - the one we can share anything/everything with and who is there for us no matter what. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You are killing it - d-management wise and if it were me…I would make sure that the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with has my back, isn’t going to make my diabetes management HARDER or drive me into an early grave from stress-related illnesses. You shouldn’t have to walk on pins and needles around your significant other when it comes to matters of YOUR HEALTH.
sigh…
I’m exiting before I say everything else that’s on my mind.
(had originally placed this in your other thread about your fiance having some other problems…thought about keeping it in both threads, but deleted the other in the end.)
@Necroplasm, there is a tradeoff. The more time you spend on it, your control improves, and you can have a better quality of life. But there is a point where the time you spend makes your quality of life deteriorate, even if your health is getting better.
I know how much you hate graphs, so I made you one.
Take a look at this:
On the lower left, you have little time spent on D, and your combined health and happiness are also very low.
On the right, you have a lot of time spent on it, so yes your health is better, but your happiness is low because you are overly worried or obsessive about it. It controls your life.
The best place is the middle ground, where you spend moderate time on it, and your combined health and happiness is the highest.
I think @T1Allison had a phrase she used about this. I think it was something like the intersection of life and diabetes or something like that. Alli, help me out here.
To make a point on this graph, which I agree with btw.
I feel that I often go pretty far to the right and spend way too much time. Especially after something new/different comes out or happens (New Control IQ for pump, new Dexcom, etc.).
But I have learned that the initial phase is a learning curve. After I feel that I got a really good grasp of how to handle things, I like to back off some to get to a much sweeter spot in that curve where my life gets easier without losing too much control.
As for the SO issues.
The don’t understand what you are going through.
They will NEVER truly understand what you are going through (and we don’t want to get diabetes to understand.)
I, like many others here, went through similar misdiagnoses, and eventual change to T1/LADA.
My wife has been supportive, but doesn’t fully understand what happens to our bodies when our BG goes low or high, or worse yet, goes on a serious rollercoaster from hell.
She is also not very good at math, and when micro-bolusing, super bolusing, etc. math is pretty important!
She has given up on changing our diets for meals. It is up to me to figure out what I bolus for what she cooks. I don’t eat much of many foods she makes, but she no longer tries to make two separate meals. A compromise is what ends up working for us.
Neither you nor they will end up being perfect at this relationship. And if you try, you both end up losing. So find out where the best compromise is and work towards that.
This is very helpful to me, thank you. I will try my best to practice patience and restraint. I know this isn’t just hard for me, but I have tools getting me through it and helping me to understand the change in my body. He is under the impression that this is no different from the past 3 years, and the reality is that it most certainly is. I think he was under the impression that this correct diagnosis was going to be the fix of it all. Truth is, it’s like putting a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches. All of the work starts here, not the opposite. I’m fortunate enough to have a place like FUD and a diabetes team that are making all of this a lot easier than it has or will be for others, so I will just try my best to remind myself of that and be grateful. He’ll come around, despite the picture of him that has been painted since my recent diagnosis-he is a good man, and the person I want to marry. If I want him to understand that I am not myself right now, I should practice a little of what I preach.
If you have been in this relationship for a long time and you think it is worth fighting for, do ask for your fiance to stop with the hectoring for 6 months. In 6 months time if you are still obsessing, then you should consider listening to them. What you are going through is tough and takes a lot of focus, but soon it will fade into the background if you build a healthy relationship with your D.
Lisa
).
It’s just tough to have your disease thrown at you, as if you have any control over how it physically changes your personality when sugars aren’t in range. That’s one of the biggest things he doesn’t get, and though I really am not - it has been thrown in my face that I use my diabetes as an excuse to “be an a**hole” 
