Overwhelmed (not just by D)

Share Emotional Health
1

It seems like all I do is fight these days. Everything is a struggle. And a lot of it is stupid stuff that I can’t control. I’m still figuring out what I can control, which is my regimen, what I need to do to keep my D in check, and although I’ve gotten better at rolling with the punches, these last few weeks have been rough. I’m pretty sure my husband would love the crying jags to stop. Working backwards from today…

My new endo charged me for the in-office tutorial for my CGM 2 months ago. Which my insurance told me is almost unheard of. I’ve been calling 3 times a week to get it figured out. They’re just giving me the run-around, so I fired the Dr. Now I have to call Dexcom to unshare with him. Btw, the CGM hasn’t been working out too good…

Last night, we got an order of veggies from a box service thingy. (We don’t shop in stores, and haven’t since April. My husband is terrified of me catching covid, and I decided its best for his mental health to stay home.) They were supposed to arrive Saturday, which would have really helped in my shopping order planning. Anyway, the veggies were a mess, and I kinda lost it. Trying to balance our diets has always been an issue, but always having fresh veggies around is one thing we both need. So, I was mad, and went to bed sans dinner or our after-dinner walk.

Yesterday, we visited hubby’s parents in their front yard, as usual. They live close by, so we take care of their shopping, chores, etc. His brother, sister, and their kids (haha, not their kids together) came over, which is usually awesome, as they live further away. Wow, this is complicated. Anyway, my husband and I always wear masks when we leave our place. His sister and her kids don’t, unless they know they can’t distance, and they’re very good about it. His parents don’t see anyone, and sometimes remember, so we’re not too worried.
His brother, and his wife’s very large family, are anti-maskers, and do not practice any kind of distancing. We’ve repeatedly asked him to wear a mask around us. Or just not come near us. At this point its almost insulting that he won’t respect our boundaries. Yesterday, I was too tired to fight with him, and hear that stupid sigh of, “ok, if YOU think its sooo important”. So, we had to leave before I could hang out with my niece, who is the light of my life (and who, oddly, made me deal with my D openly. But that’s a story for another day). I hate playing the D card, so I just don’t anymore.

Friday, I was on the phone with Peapod trying to get charges off for things that were missing. Why must good yogurt be so hard to get?!! And why do they sub it with that sugary scrap? They sent me a coupon, and it wasn’t valid.

A few weeks ago, I had a skin infection on my face. My neck and cheeks doubled in size. As my PCP is not really open, and most urgent cares and clinics are dealing with Covid, or don’t do walkins, I ended up having to go to the ER. This is after calling my PCP and the on-call dr writing in my chart that I had a “rash”. Yay for $300 bill. But I was having gangrene nightmares. For real. And my fasting BG was over 200, so I knew it was serious.

The osteoarthritis in my left shoulder is getting worse, and my right shoulder is trying to catch up with it. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth getting a shot and recalculating doses, as I just had to after starting a statin. Maybe I’ll ask about Zilretta…

I get so sick of things being “life-threatening”. Everything has to be so freaking dramatic all the time. I’ve always had a problem with depression, and I try so hard to keep my head above water. I’ve changed a lot since being diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago, mostly for the better, but its been a long, hard road (as I’m sure it has for everyone). One thing that has changed for the worse is that I constantly find the need to explain why I need things the way that I do. And I’m always apologizing.

I know this is all inconsequential stuff, but its piling up quickly. Before Covid, I would have just put my headphones on, put VNV Nation’s “Control” on repeat, and go for a 2 hour power walk. But that’s no fun anymore. Having asthma and trying to breathe through a mask is not a great time.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my stupid problems. Sorry to ramble.

I think this forum is awesome. It makes me feel less like a terrible diabetic.

Marie

12 Likes
2

Wow, you have a lot going on right now, and not much of it seems to be going as well as you want. Sorry the CGM hasn’t been working out for you, what is going on there, something we might be able to help with?

Only other thing I can think of, is have you tried the athletic masks so you can get your power walk in? Might be easier to breathe through than the standard mask. I think Eric posted on those.

Always happy to have you rambling around.

2 Likes
3

Thank you for indulging my rambling.
The cgm just never seems to be correct. There’re times it’ll say 90, and its 50. And visa versa. The worst is when it reads 100 in the morning, and I’m feeling ok, so I trust it, and realize later in the day that its about 100 lower than my meter says. Being woken up by my husband because its reading 50 when its actually 75 sucks too. I just can’t trust it. I’ve tried different spots, and none seem to be better or worse. It has helped to see in real time how exercise and different foods affect me, as that’s just variation. Problem is, I got it in the hopes of getting a pump, but if they talk to each other, and its that far off, I would totally be screwed. Or am I misunderstanding what my newest (now ex) endo told me?

I’ll have to look up the post about athletic masks. It would be awesome to just burn off my frustration!

2 Likes
4

No if the CGM is way off, then integrating it with the pump would not be advisable. Since when it thinks you are 50 it would be shutting off or reducing insulin, etc. Are you really thin? If not, are you hydrated properly? Also, have you tried the Libre if the Dexcom isn’t working well for you?

2 Likes
5

Thin, but not freakishly. Honestly, most days I properly hydrate, but not all.
Maybe I’m working from bad info, but from what I’ve read, and the info from the endo’s pharmacist, the Libre doesn’t do sleeping readings? And doesn’t integrate with any pump? Also, my health insurance is iffy about covering the Libre. But its worth asking about, if and when I find a new dr.

6

If you are not freakishly thin, then I would focus on where you are placing it (before giving up). For reference, my son uses the backs of his arms, and the Dex and his Contour Next meter are always within +/- 20 and when he is flat, it is usually within +/-5. The only exceptions are extreme highs or lows, or when his blood sugar is moving rapidly in one direction or another. But when his blood sugar is level, the Dex and his meter are very close.

3 Likes
7

Marie,

sorry ur having such a rough go of things. I TOTALLY GET IT. But just to let you know, I play the “D Card” whenever possible if I am finding my circumstances unbearably uncomfortable. I could care less what others think about it. (After 30+ yrs of being D, my OWN family still doesn’t understand D. They still buy me “sugar-free” cookies for desert and don’t quite get that the cookie’s carbs turn right into sugar. I have told them ENDLESSLY not to buy me these tasteless cookies to absolutely no avail.)

As far as feeling overwhelmed, well I get that too. I have been injured since Covid and have to get several of those Zireltta injections (hopefully this coming Wednesday :pray:) due to the excruciating pain that I have been in due to a labral tear, osteophytes, and my hip bone not fitting properly into its socket. I have been on a pain-killer cocktail, including opioids, for several months without any reprieve from the pain.( I am stoned out of my mind from taking the Percocets, but they’re about the only thing that has been making one iota of a dent in my comfort level) :grimacing: :sleepy:

I could go on and on as well…(but I will spare you). Just know that you are definitely not alone here. These are really exceptionally rough times we are living in, and adjustments are challenging. (and btw, I would have fired that doctor asap as you did as well. Brave women you are! Good job!!)

Hang in there. Prayers are with you. :heart:

9 Likes
8

I am almost 80 years old and a T1. I find I can’t breathe in those masks either and avoid wearing them whenever it is not really necessary. I really don’t see why you need to wear a mask when you are taking a walk either alone or with your husband. If you encounter someone, just keeping your distance is adequate protection. Or wear it around your neck and pop it on when you get near anyone. Of course, that’s assuming that you are not walking in mid-Manhattan. :smirk:

6 Likes
9

It actually is quite crowded in my area. And only about 1/4 of the people I run in to wear masks and/or distance. I was saying that a 2 hr de-stressing walk is not the therapy it used to be. And that really was my therapy, put some music on and walk until I was too tired to think.

4 Likes
10

Thank you! I hope you are able to get your shots today! And you get a little vacation from it all…Being in pain all the time is beyond draining. Before my stomach/pancreas/gall bladder surgery, the pain created almost a dementia factor into my life. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
I know that I was kinda whining, but I think its more that I just want a freaking day or two off from the bs. We always used to go away for a few days before school started (hubby’s a hs teacher), mainly for me to take a break from everything, let myself live a little, not go too crazy, but at least a day or 2 of no regimen. It was a good reset, and I really miss that!
I know I’m not alone in all this craziness, I just have days where its just, ugh.
Good luck today! Fingers, toes, and eyes crossed, as my niece says.

7 Likes
11

unfortunately none of this worked out. it was a complete disaster. I “fired” the doctor on the spot, and am now scheduled to see another and also waiting to hear bk from a surgeon (specialist in sports related injuries and not merely pain “management” but pain removal at HSS).

I posted it on my thread : AdjustingTo The Pandemic…

:grimacing: :weary: :sleepy: :pray:

4 Likes
12

Hey, soul sister! My name’s Allison and your post is resonating SO MUCH with me! I’d give you a hug if I could!

I think this was my yesterday. And it’s a LOT of my days in 2020. Whoa boy. So much stuff hit the fan yesterday. So many, many levels of aggravating suck. Each individual event would have been manageable (yet irritating) on its own…but altogether it lead to such a completely legit case of grumpiness and somewhat unstoppable inner dialogue that was in no way helpful.

I have ongoing family strain that is super hypocritical and was bubbling up again yesterday (and yes, it involves what they identify as politics when that’s convenient for their feelings), got delivered the wrong kind of medicine and was charged double for it, had to call the Sheriff’s office at the behest of my HOA about an ongoing issue that I’m a witness to in my part of the neighborhood, got a super sucky canned answer from our principal that completely deflected my question about what the school needs from my family in order to smoothly (eventually) transition my kiddos back to in-person school, chronic pain that is evolving-ish, etc.

So yeah. Right there with ya.

I think we are all superheroes. The things we MANAGE that others never dream of dealing with…plus all of the extra sucky things that pop up along the way…yeah, we’re pretty awesome. The fact that you’re talking about it and identifying it puts you in the top tier category. A lot of people DON’T identify these things or self-examine throughout their reactions to these situations.

I can definitely tell when I react unusually strongly to something that would not normally get that response out of me. Then that means there is usually something I’m carrying around that I haven’t identified and the stress is coming out in weird ways. And then there’s when things are stacking up (like yesterday) and the response from me is pretty easy to unpack. Yesterday involved acute stressors with some chronic ones mixed in…sounds like yours had the same variety, as well.

So yesterday I eventually just went to a petting zoo and corn maze at a mom and pop farm nearby with my kids when no one else was there. And it was awesome. The end. :slight_smile:

Today went better. Who knows what is in store for Thursday?!

7 Likes
13

Big hug! And yay for petting zoos and corn mazes!
We went to our garden plot today to clean up after a very windy night, and being able to fix just that helped a lot. Except that our mammoth sunflower plant is on his last legs, and looks very sad.
I think my husband working from home is exacerbating things a lot, we’re constantly tripping over each other. But we’re working on it. No one knows when school will go back, so we have to plan on this “new normal” (ugh, I hate that phrase) staying our reality.
Omg, if I didn’t try to identify all the crap in my head, I’d be completely bonkers. Or divorced quickly. The first year after diagnosis, I took a lot out on my hubby, and no one deserves that.

Thursday’s gonna be amazing…well, one can always hope!
And, yep, we’re superheroes. Thank you for reminding me! :smile:

2 Likes
14

Thank you for the hydration info! Making sure I’m well hydrated has really helped the disparity in numbers. It was actually only +2 at lunchtime. I’m sure it will disappoint me again, but at least I can help it out this way. Seems like the best spot for me so far is back of right upper arm. (Ack, I almost said it seems to like living there. Next thing you know, I’ll be naming them!)
Anywho, thanks for the help!

2 Likes
15

No problem at all, glad it is working for you. The tech can be finicky, but when it works, it is nice to know your sweet sweet blood sugar. (pun not intended)

3 Likes
16

@Mariethm
@T1Allison
@daisymae

Oh you guys, this is exactly me right now too. Pharmacy/insurance issues, new Rheumatoid arthritis drug, anemia, weight loss, no appetite, iron supplements, accompanying GI issues due to who knows which issue, not to mention the Covid-19 paranoia and self imposed isolation, along with the regular family/friend issues. Whew! No wonder I have anxiety.

Trying to stay patient and work the problem. Just have to decide which problem has priority this minute. :laughing: Oh, and just found out my beloved 28 year PCP is retiring in January.

Enough for today.

7 Likes
17

Oh so sorry to hear of all of your woes. Its been so tough on everyone lately due to C19, but to have the extra burdens u r having is just hell. sometimes everything just happens at once and it feels as if there is no relief in sight.

I understand and empathize completely. But you’re strong and you will get through this. Just hang on tight and know that our prayers are with you.

Like everything in life: “This too shall pass.” :pray: :heart:

7 Likes
18

Hugs to @Jan and @daisymae, too!

And anyone else who needs a good hug! Yesterday was one of those mornings for me…but I ventured out to a bookstore and got stocked up with great books for another winter at home and felt pretty excited about them. I’m dangerous in a bookstore. I had to divide my stack into several smaller stacks to fit under the COVID plexiglass shield at the register. :slight_smile:

7 Likes
19

Its looking like it will be a long, hard winter for sure. A lot of new books will definitely help! Something to look forward to…

I actually finally broke down and got a tablet this summer, since libraries were/are closed, and squinting at my phone got tiresome.

I find that if I start losing it on a Thursday its not as bad, as I can look forward to The Great British Baking Show on Friday. Its silly that that changes my perspective, but whatever gets you through the day, right?
I got new wuzzy pjs and am stocking up on tea, in anticipation of relentless cold and further isolation. Although Swiss Miss with those tiny marshmallows would taste a whole lot better! I wonder if people are hoarding that yet? I may have to stock up on that as well, as a reward for when I shovel out my in-laws’. The workout that entails will probably discount the carbs. Plus the cold weather tends to drive my BG down drastically.
Hang in there! Only 7 months until Spring!

4 Likes
20

Let’s start a book club!! :open_book: :smiley_cat:

4 Likes