Too be honest, based on what I’ve read, this guy sounds a bit creepy.
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My kids would be prohibited from hanging out at all over there. Crossed the line a long time ago imo. If my kids didn’t like it, tough.
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The next thing in the arsenal to get him to back off is gonna be me gifting his daughters condoms.
I think that will fix it.
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Yeah something here feels really off. I am extremely wary of adults, especially men, who try to bond with kids over things they don’t/can’t tell their parents. It certainly could be more innocent in this case, but that’s also exactly how you groom kids for abuse, so not worth the risk of allowing that kind of boundary crossing IMO.
The condom idea is pretty funny though. 
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In my mind it’s as simple as this…my kids have only 1 dad and 1 mom. If any other “adult”, male or female try to usurp my parental authority, they’re removed from my families existance. My kids will learn and be the kinds of adults that me and their mother want them to be…won’t allow anyone else to mold them in any way and potentially pass off their bad habits, thoughts about this or that, etc., If you don’t respect me as a parent enough to not be an asshat, then you can discontinue associating with my family.
And I agree with @cardamom…I am leary of ANY grown-up who takes too much of an interest in any of my kids.
And this is probably TMI, but I’m not ashamed of this as an adult and after realizing none of this was my fault…but when I was a kid, we had a “family friend” (male) who would often visit our family and have sleep overs with all us boys (7 brothers). He sexually abused all of us, for years, and my mom/dad were clueless about it. So any grown-up that seems too attached and takes an interest, as a parent…be very aware, alert and leary.
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I’m so sorry that happened to you and your family. 
It sounds like you’ve healed a lot since, and I think it’s generous and not TMI to share your story to help increase awareness.
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@ClaudnDaye, thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. That is loving and brave. I have so much respect for how you care for your family.
@cardamom, thank you for your input. @jim26, you, too.
So my previously rule for interaction with all neighbors was that no one goes into anyone’s house. Everyone has to stay outside and within earshot.
I have talked to my kiddo in bite sized chunks throughout last night and this morning. I’ve talked to my husband more about the whole dynamic. We think our neighbor does not have bad intentions, but regardless, he is overstepping into a parent role time and time again on different topics. There is an undeniable power imbalance in this inaccurately categorized “friendship”. I asked my kiddo a lot of questions without leading and I liked the answers he gave me. We talked about my job as his parent, what his friends’ jobs are, what a normal friendship looks like, what safe adults act like, etc.
Ultimately, there are a lot of situations with neighbor kids or neighbors that we have handled via giving our own kids a rule to follow (i.e. you have to ask us before you have s’mores at so-and-so’s house) that doesn’t have to incur a neighbor discussion. But clearly in this situation, it’s not fair to a 7 year old to ask him to hold a line with an adult neighbor who is saying, “You should try root beer!” “You should try riding the dirt bike!” “You should watch this movie clip on my phone!” That conversation is my job. That’s definitely my job. I told my son that I will take care of it and it is not fair of our neighbor to put him in a bad position over and over again. I told him not to go to the neighbor’s driveway or garage to hang out anymore unless he has a neighbor kid buddy with him, and there will be no more one-on-one hanging out.
I pointed out to my husband that if it were any other neighbor, we would feel weirder about it. But since he is a cop and has three kids of his own and we regularly hang out with him and his wife, we on some level trust him more and need to recognize that. Additionally, he recently retired and that is where almost all of this stems from. Once he gets his next job, he won’t be around the house with nothing to do so much. That’s been his status for the last four months. And for perspective, he goes to other neighbor kids’ little league games to watch them play and sits with their families. I do think that he is mourning his own kids not needing him so much, his recent retirement, and is at a loss for what to do during Covid. That doesn’t change my obligation as a parent, but I do think those factors impact the connotations of what we’re seeing.
I will never let anyone have an opportunity to harm my kiddos. Uncomfortable conversations be dammed. I live via Trust But Verify. So here we go…
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You’re a great parent. Not letting them out of eye/earshot is so important. Adults who want to do harm to kids always make it a priority to ensure they are ALONE with the child…doesn’t have to be inside, it can also be outside…but their goal is not get caught and to be alone. So as long as you can see/hear what’s going on at all times I would agree that there is no risk. You know your neighbor(s) best but I never allow myself to fall into the trap of - because they are this or that they are OK…there are creeps in every profession and as we all know the most horrible people on the planet look just like you and me…just normal people, holding normal jobs, with families of their own…just as vile and evil as you can imagine.
As long as you are able to track what’s going on at all times and you have the forethought to think of the kinds of situations that may be strange or sound strange, you have a good handle on it.
I have recovered well from the abuse I endured as a child, but every person is different…I have siblings who, 40 years later are suicidal, bipolar and have severe mental and emotional baggage because of what happened to them in our house. Our parents were just clueless during the 70’s to think that someone would do this, or be that way…but today with so much visibility into, and information about, sexual deviants, I think we parents are much better armed and we actually ACTIVELY THINK about these things when it comes to our own kids so they’re much less at risk to encounter such situations.
Also, I’m sure you’re already aware that adults groom children to not talk about it…they threaten them, they lie to them, they do what they have to do to keep the child quiet and to ensure they can maintain dominance over them without being caught. We were told by our “family friend” that we should keep this to ourselves and if anyone ever found out it would be so bad FOR US…our family would be damaged, we would have to go live with other families, our parents may go to jail, etc., All lies, but perverts tell you what they have to tell you to get what they want…so being able to see the signs and READ YOUR CHILD is so important, which you obviously have a great handle on. Knowing what they’re NOT saying is equally as important as hearing what they’re saying.
Also, apologies if I’m sounding “preachy.” Definitely not my intent…just flashing back and thinking of what would have mattered to me as a child and what I wish my own parents would have done, and been watching for.
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I totally get it and more kids in this world deserve a mom like you!!!
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As an aside bc I’m bored right now, I think guy neighbor is hiding from us (I’ve been outside with my son each time he’s played in our driveway today and guy neighbor hasn’t come out to hang out at all like he normally would). I think his wife was testing the waters with me earlier today when she sent me atypical mid-day innocuous texts.
I believe my anger yesterday was palpable. (understatement)
But I will still deal with this head on when the opportunity arises.
…this is why I typically avoid overly close neighbor relationships…
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@T1Allison for when the time comes…
and you can justify it in his own language by suggesting that his daughters do their own field testing to determine a product brand preference before actually using them.
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Hahahahahahahaha
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