Here’s the thing. When I was in the office today, I was completely ill-equipped to defend my individual decisions. After several rounds of “why’d you stack here 10 days ago or here 7 days ago?”, i just broke down crying. In the moment it felt like I had completely failed. And through his perspective, I realized how hyperexic I am (for lack of a better word). My whole life is geared toward avoiding highs. I blame that mostly on you guys. But I also credit you guys for that. I would never have an upper bound set at 120 if it hadn’t been for you all.
I don’t log. I was a meticulous logger during our last pregnancy. Logged, logged, logged, and excelled, excelled, excelled. Since our 4th, I’ve barely taken a single note. I’ve been winging it and making decisions based on gut feelings and quick calcs. Nothing that would hold muster in the endo’s office when asked pointedly about why I made a specific decision in a certain situation. So, I totally folded in the appointment. And was completely ill-prepared for the onslaught. I walked out of the office totally dazed trying to remember whose phone number I had to call but decided to write openly instead. The haze is lifting to some degree, but there was real shame there for a while.
Thank you for this perspective. Still hashing through the visit to see if any of his suggestions I might keep. The real bummer for me is that he wouldn’t even prescribe metformin for increased insulin resistance. So having lost that battle, I declined to ask about afrezza until my next visit.